Cabin Fever!

Well, we are into day 3 of the big freeze here in Atlanta. It was very pretty Sunday night and Monday morning....but it is Tuesday noght and school has been cancelled AGAIN...which means our day care is closed...which means me, my husband and my son have another day of Quality Time together.  Precious time together is wonderful....however it is best enjoyed when you have the ability to go to a park, take a walk, hit a playground, a few hours at Kangazoom, visit friends...we are seriously about to lose it.  We have a small house...it wasn't made for the 3+ day lockdown.

It would even be fun if we could go play in the snow but a 15 month old only lasts about 5 min out there and we don't really have useable snow...more like snow trapped in a one inch ice shell.

We did have a brief few hours today when it got up to 34 degrees so my husband finally  cracked and made a break for it.  He saw a few cars driving out of our street and decided he would join the brave but few.

I told him to just go up to the Race Trac and see if he could get some milk for Mac and some junk food for us.

Being that he is of the male species I should have known that a wimpy goal like that would not do.  This soldier was going to war and returning with the bounty...AND HE DID!

He made it all the way up to Kroger and did the best grocery shopping ever!  Pizza, fish sticks, BBQ Pork, tater tots, DIET COKE (because he loves me), cookies, chips and salsa...oh yeah and the milk for the baby.

We might actually survive now! We will probably be 5 pounds heavier and on the edge of a heart attack but we will be happy and we won;t kill each other for the remainder of sentence...I mean Quality Time together.

One real pain in the ass feature of thie freeze out is that Brian and I had to get out TB test done for the adoption last Friday...and for a TB test you have to go back in 48ish hours and have them confirm that there was no bad reaction...well 48ish hours was around Monday morning.  Pretty sure we are going to have to do that oneover again...great - yet another annoying delay in this process.  I think I am just going to take a picture of Brian and my wrist and email it to the Doc and see if he will save us the trouble.  Worth a shot I guess...what else do I have to do with all this free time!

Well I have a glass of wine waiting for me and I have a small window od time to enjoy it...because I am not niave.  See...Ashton Kucher will be jumping out here any moment.  I am positive that I am being punked.  My child sat in my lap about 8:15 and pointed to his bedroom...no bottle, no rocking, just kept pointing...I thought I must be imagining things but why not humor myself.  This is the same child that spent the weekend at his grandparents house and rocked it out until almost midnight both nights!  Maybe he is hiding goldfish in his crib...their has to be a catch!

I got up, walked in his room, laid him down, turned on his little night time aquarium, covered him up and he snuggled his little self up, pushed the button on his music thingy and I walked out.

And like I said...either I am really asleep right now and this is all a dream or Ashton Kucher will be making an appearance any minute now...I need to put on my cute pj's.

Sweet dreams...

WHAT A GREAT FRIDAY!!! New Pictures of Luci!!!

OK - this Friday started off great for several reasons even before I got to work.  First of all we are packing up and going to visit my parents this afternoon.  This always makes me happy - it is great to get a break from Atl and sit out in the beautiful, peacful country...serious therapy!

Next, I got an email from DW - the Chief Exec Peach & JC - Chief Operating Peach...and they let all the rest of us peaches know that we were making the alternating 1/2 Fridays a permanant part of the PEACH...starting with Atlanta TODAY!  SO I have a half day! and every other Friday will be a half day.  Did I mention yet that I love my job and the people I work with!


But even better things happened when I got to my office...I saw one of my favorite names pop up unexpectantly in my inbox..Ann at Red Thread China.  She sends our care packages to Luci at her orphanage.  Well Ann sent me about 12 new pictures of our baby and SHE IS SMILING! 

This is the first time we have seen a picture with a smile on her face.  Talk about a perfect day already!  I think I am going to print it around so I can carry it around with me in my pocket and look at that smile all the time!



Here you go:

See that grin on her face...I have the same one right now!  Well, I have to head out..Brian and I have to go get TB tests and drug screens for our Home Study...and then we should be 100% done with this part of the paperchase. 

Have a great Friday - I already have!

Tara

Dossier Documents Mailed to Faith International Today - Finally!!!

There it is...that is a whole lot of hunting and gathering - our lives on paper, certified and notarized.

Now we just need our Home Study completed...then we fill out the form (I800) so we can get approved by the United States to adopt Luci and get her a visa.  At least I think that is what that form does.

It is a huge relief to get all of these documents out of my hands and moving along in the process.  They are all originals so if anything happens to that package...you will see the mushroom cloud in the sky.

Oh yeah - Brian and I also have to do 10 hours of Adoption education so I have to get Brian to sit in front of the computer for 10 hours. 

We are going to my parents house this weekend to have our delayed Christmas and to celebrate my nephew Tyson's 4th birthday.  I am so looking forward to sitting on my parents front porch and relaxing out in the country - I love it out there!  Best therapy money can buy. 

The Alien Issue - This is Tara venting...no adoption info.

So, I am sitting here writing about serious things, very close to my heart, drinking the first glass red wine in too many moons, and what does my husband start watching.  Yes - that damn alien show!

V or whatever...by the way...wasn't that show already on when I was back in highschool.  Apparently it is the same thing - they just pulled the goofy blonde Freddy Kruger dude and inserted some hot brunette. 

There is a hard and fast rule in my house - we don;t watch ghosts and we don;t watch aliens...fictional or reality show - no difference.

Wanna know why...I am pretty sure I believe in both.

Or I rather I don;t know if I believe in them and I 100% do not want to know if they are for real...I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!

Yea, on every other aspect of life I want to know every detail about everything...except those two. An honestly if I were tied to a chair and forced to listen to someone tell my their encounter with one or the other...I am totally going with the ghosts...I can deal with that via my God connection...possibly.  Aliens...just keep on walking.

My best friend...whom I have known since 13, gone to school with, lived next door to, and worked with got stupid one day and told me that the movie "Signs" was so great and I had to see it.

Did she forget the fact that my parents live out in the country...and their house is surrounded by cornfields...so no, I do not look out of the windows of their house at night under any circumstances.  I don't care if I hear an explosion, if I hear a jet land in the driveway, whatever...I am not looking out into the fields!  I am not kidding - if I have to pee in the middle of the night it is head down, straight to the bathroom and back...no random glances out the window.   And by the way Kris...they did have a windstorm once and it left these swirls of fallen cornstalks all in the fields - or I have to try and convince myself it was a windstorm.  And it also doesn't help that my parents have aquaintences in the small town they reside in that swear on their children's lives that they have "followed the bright light" back into the fields and ya know...saw the thing land.  Again...if people in my family loved me, they would not share this stuff with me. 
Thank you mom for sharing the stories and thank you Kristi for making me terrified to sleep at my parents house, and thank you Brian for reviving all of those visions for me by getting sucked in the the Alien drama tonight.  I might just stay up all night blogging.

One good thing about living in the city...NO ALIENS!!!  At least not the kind that make circles in corn fields!


SWING AWAY!!!

So...Max Lucado anyone???

OK - As I promised...Topic Number 3...Our baby girls name!  I have kind of shared this with many of you our circle of friends and family but for those of you that don't know - we have finally decided on a name for our little girl.  Not sure about the whole name...probably going to incorporate Qing into her middle name in some way.

So if you do not have the book "You Are Special" by Max Lucado get it.  I don't care how old you are, just trust me.  Actually I think it is probably better suited for adults ...at least for me and the adults I know.

One of the main charachters in the book is named Lucia and what she is in the book...that is my wish for our little China dol.  I wish for her that the dots and stars don't stick! And no I am not going to explain is - I said get the book dammit.

And yes, the name Lucia is Italian, which we are not, and it is technically pronounced Luchee-a but I don't really care.  We are going with Luci - the American version and I can;r wait to read her that red book over and over...and she will probably "get it" way sooner than I do.  I think as adults we "get it" but the struggle is holding onto"it" in our hearts permanantly. 

She is sooooo Luci!!!!

Finding Ad

SO..Topic Number 2: Finding Ads..."huh...what's that, how much is that?  Did you already pay for it?" (to quote my husband)..

"It was a million dollars and the passport photos were $38 and I transferred the money yesterday - cool?"

Yes, the "how much was that" questions get under my skin...but then again he is also working his ass off to try and pay for this adoption so I know - I shouldn't be so bitchy...but when you are in "Mom Mode" you don't see dollar signs...even if you should - I get it!

So, there is a guy, Brian Stuy...some people love him, some hate him...from what I gather on the message boards and yahoo groups.  So far I can't find anything about him that offends me, and I appreciate what he does.  I think mostly the people waiting ( and have been for many years) for a non-special-needs child would like to slap him if given the opportunity.  He is very active in research and writing about China adoption, he has adopted 3 children form China and I believe that I understand his stance to be that there is an established "trafficking  network" set up in China when it comes to Non-Special Needs babies.  That women over there get pregnant for the specific purpose of turning the baby over to an orphanage for a finders fee (about 3 years of a living wage over there).  His research and articles are very controversial and I am not waiting on a NSN child so I am not in the slapping line.

Honestly the NSN program for International adoption is basically closed...yes, they will quote you a waiting time of 5-7 years...which means 10yrs at best or  really...it's not happening.

Anyway Brian Stuy makes a living by getting China adoptive parents the Finding Ad for their child.  See in China when an abandoned child is found, usually in a box, sometimes with a note and some money, the authorities run a finding ad, "in hopes of finding the parents"...but since abandoning your child is illegal in China...I have yet to hear of anyone ever actually coming forward for their misplaced child.  There are many reasons people in China abandon their babies, but that is another long blog post.

So Brian gets the newspapers from China and sends you the picture of your baby when they were found and translates the ad.  

Since some people only have one picture of their child from the initial adoption referral, and it could be at an older age, these baby pictures are like gold...probably the only baby picture they will ever have of their child. It also usually gives the exact location where your baby was found and what they were wearing.

I heard about Brian's service and contacted him as soon as we had Pre-Approval (Oct) and sent him the information he needed to locate our little girl's finding ad.

   

I never heard back from him until the first week of Dec...and honestly I sort of had second thoughts.  As you know, LuciQ has severe burns and we know she was burned and treated when she was found.  Part of me realized that I was not getting the baby picture that many get...I didn't know if I wanted to se it because I know it would be our baby girl in pain and that is hard to see when you have a baby at home and would basically run over a Nun any day of the week to keep him from pain or harm.

I have thought for weeks that the package would be waiting for me at the door and maybe I should just put it away, keep it for LuciQ much later in her life when she wanted information about her history...a whole other topic to tackle later.

I also didn't want Brian (my husband - not Stuy) to get it first and unexpectedly open it.  He has never looked at the pictures from my burn and I know he doesn't want to see LuciQ's either.  We are very different in this area...at least for now.  I am more of a "just rip back the curtain and look at the facts as they are and deal with it" kind of person.  My husband is more of a "why would I want to see someone I love in a state of pain if I don't have to??" He wants to look forward toward the good. My nature is to research every facet of an issue and get all of the facts and then move forward.  To him, some things are in the past, they weren't good but they aren't changeable either so just forget about it and move forward...and honestly I think there are many situations where that is exactly the attitude you have to have to get through this life...which is also why I know he is going to be a great daddy to our sweet little girl.  She will need his "focus forward" attitude as much as we will.

Anyway, Brian Stuy emailed me tonight to say that my package would ship next week but he sent me a scan of her finding ad and the translation.  I am very thankful to have this information because I know many that have zero history on their child and wish they did. I have a New blogger friend, Nicole that recently emailed me about this adoption journey - she has done it about 5 times already and is waiting on the next one.  I love her blog because she made the decision to blog honestly or not at all...and I want to do thesame so everyone understands the wonderful joy of this path and also that it comes with unexpected little heart breaks along the way...but it just makes your love grow.  I plan on keeping this very real...all the way.

So those who are unfamiliar...this is what a finding ad looks like.

She was born on October 2, 2007
On April 2, 2008, she was found at #202 Machang Road, Jianghan District (Gate of the Jianghan District orphanage)
She wore white autumn outfits and pink pants, a red sweater
Above her nose are severe burn scars
She was treated in the Third Hospital, and had a birth note.

That of course is our baby girl in the middle, and yes it makes me cry every time I see it...but I keep looking at it because I love her. Because I know she is hurting physically and she is wondering where her mamma went.  I hold no judgement toward her mother, for all I know her mother saved her life by leaving her in a safe place to be found quickly.  I know that the result was that she will be with us in a handfull of months and it is right where she is supposed to be.  I wish I could have loved her and held her through her baby days but God's timong is perfect...he has shown me that a thousand times in my life...it is something I never have to question.

My New Years Resolution...To be a better blogger!

Ok, so every time I have a chance to surf the net I end up reading other friend's b;ogs that I am following...because I am a newbie at this whole adoption thing and I get so much great info from my blogger friends out there.  Seriously, if it weren't for the Yahoo groups and the family blogs I have no idea how anyone would get through this adventure.   So some topics to cover since I made one post many weeks ago and then decided to go AWOL: Care Packages, Finding Ads, and for the finale...our sweetie pie's family name.

Care packages:  So, for those unfamiliar, there are 3 different services that are establshed and considered quality and caring that deliver care packages to children in orphanages and foster homes.  Of course as soon as we got out Pre-Approval from China I had Ann at Red Thread to China (  http://redthreadchina.com/) sending a package to our sweet baby.  I was dying for her to know that it was official - we were coming for her and she would be a part of our family soon. So we sent her a care package and a letter to the Orphanage director and the nanny's and a letter to her.  Included in the package was a 20 page family album so she can see who we are and hopefully somehow begin to understand what a forever family is. Our First Care Package:

Then for Christmas we had Ann send over a Christmas PJ package:

OK, so I am not quite sure about the "UK" on the Christmas PJ's but apparently they made too many for the US and shipped the rest to China.  I do love the santa hat with the pigtails though!

By the way, I want to send out a special "THANK YOU" to the company I work for - PEACH NEW MEDIA.  As you all may know...things are tight around the Newton house with the Adoption expenses stacking up and other things headed our way that we weren't expecting. 

For Christmas my company gave us all these super cool backpacks...way cooler than anything I ever toted around in college...and it makes this mom look a little cooler when hauling around baby paraphanalia...no one knows there are diapers, wipes and Boudreaux's buttpaste in there!

The really nice part was the $100 bill they snuck into one of the pockets.  That $100 paid for Our sweetie's Christmas care package and I am sure she and her classmates enjoyed the candy and fun clothes and toys. 

(People - can I just say that God puts you where you are supposed to be, exactly when you are supposed to be there..he did that with me and the Peach...without question and I am thankful.)

Anyway...the deal with care packages...I was reading a post on one of the Yahoo groups last week and someone said that the orphanages where her little one was waiting does not give care packages to the kids until all documents were processed in China and officially official...that is called LID, Locked In Dossier...that means your Dossier has been sent to China and they have actually acknowledged receipt.

A Dossier is the think that he are in the process of (almost finished!) building.  I am not kidding one bit, someone could take this Dossier and totally steak our identities.  I mean stuff us in a trunk somewhere and walk around being Brian and Tara.  Mac would give them hell and they might reconsider their decision but this Dossier is literally our lives on paper, medical, financial, pictorial, births, marriages, pets, China wants it all!

Ok so back to care packages...so when I read that on the Yahoo page it hit me in the face...are my daughter's care packages sitting in a closet somewhere in the orphanage??? I have heard of people getting their children andbeing given the stuff they sent over for care package and it was obviously untouched...which supports my closet theory.  I have also heard that the toys and clothes are common use for all the children (which is totally fine by me) and they save the photo albums and letters until the adoption is almost complete.

I was chatting with a friend of mine that has already adopted 2 little angels from China and in the process of getting angel #3 and I know she sends care packages.  I expressed my concerns to her and she sent me the article below, written by Amy who works at a foster home in China called Love Without Boundaries...it shed some light on the topic for me and confirmed what I was kind of starting to realize...these are to make the parents feel better..to help us get through this wait and feel like we are doing something to take care of our waiting baby. 

I have decided to hold off on the personalized care packages for now and send things like candy and books and toys for all the children or send a cake for them to enjoy.  One care package service actually sends the orphanage money to buy a cake and then asks the orphanage to send them a picture of the kids enjoying the cake to confirm that it was purchased,  It is really just a round about way for us we waiting parents to get current pictures of our babies...so yes, I will be sending a cake for Chinese New Year! 

Amy's letter regarding Care packages:

To send a care package or not? That is a question that many adoptive parents ask themselves as soon as they are matched with a child overseas. As an adoptive mom myself, I remember vividly searching for the perfect stuffed animal to send to my new daughter - a pink bunny that was incredibly soft. I wanted to think of her sleeping with it every night, waiting for the day she would finally have a family. Of course, adoption day finally came and she arrived without the rabbit, and I of course had to wonder if she had ever even gotten it. The honest answer? She had not.  Once I began working heavily with her orphanage, I quickly learned that care packages were not given to the children, but for very good reasons that I had not thought about in my own desire to feel a connection to my daughter-to-be. I have realized after talking to dozens of orphanage directors that care packages are usually much more important to the parent than the child, and they are often actually hurtful to all the other children living in an institution who have not been chosen by families.

Singling out one child in a group living situation can be very disruptive, and so many orphanages just put the care package away and don't even bring it out until the bus or van ride to provincial. This is because it can be very upsetting to all the children still waiting for homes (or ineligible for adoption) to see just one child get a package with presents. I think it is very important for us to remember the children who will not ever receive the gift of a family. I also think it is important to remember that not only is it hurtful to the other kids in an orphanage when a child is singled out, but it also can be detrimental to the child being adopted as well. We shouldn't think that every orphaned child is congratulating the one chosen for adoption. I know of many cases where older kids who have either aged out of the system or who weren't given a chance took out their frustrations on children who were picked for adoption. Kids can be quite cruel at times, as we all know - and I understand completely how distressing it can be for the older kids who never got a chance to find a family. A care package from the US can be like rubbing salt in their wounds. While some will react with tears or sadness to know they will never be chosen, others can react with anger towards the kids who are.

I have never had an orphanage director tell me they love care packages. I think they tolerate them because they know it means a lot to adoptive parents. But if a family sends a stuffed animal or a blanket to a child, they need to know the odds are slim that the child will be given it. Aunties worry that nice gifts from overseas will be damaged; many orphanages put babies in multiple cribs so keeping track of one blanket is difficult; urine leaks with cloth diapers are a daily occurrence and so stuffed animals aren't really practical, etc.  I also have received several emails from orphanages who got care packages that weren't marked properly for customs and they owed fees. One family sent such a large package that the orphanage owed almost 1000 rmb to pick it up.

Now when people ask me my opinion on sending a package, I always recommend simply sending photos of their family, so that the aunties can get to see where the child they have cared for is going. Then the orphanage staff can choose whether or not to share them with the child. Even if it is just on the van ride to the adoption center - the child will know at least a bit in advance who is coming for them.

I do understand why parents want to send packages, as I have been there myself. But now I know that while I was thinking of my single child - the orphanage has to think of ALL the kids in their care. Parents need to realize that there is a high likelihood that anything sent will just be put in a director's desk or storage cabinet until adoption day, but for very good reasons that we as adoptive parents often don't think about.

Amy Eldridge
Love Without Boundaries Foundation

OK, so if there is anyone reading this and would like to help out the Special needs and medically fragile kids that are waiting to be adopted, there are medical foster homes that take the kids from the orphanages and foster them and get them the treatment they need  - surgery that they would otherwise never get for things like Spina Bifida, Cleft lip/Palete, heart defects, fluid on the brain, clubbed feet, you name it - these foster homes go theough hell and high water to get these kids the treatment they need...I think I have a button here or you can google New Day Foster Home, Eagle's Wings is another that comes to mind...ayone else reading this, leave a comment for others you know of.  To me, those are great places to give, they have formula programs and cleft bottle programs that you can participate in for very little or alot...either way you are changing the outcome of a childs life in a very specific way. 

OK - no pressure - just putting it out there! 

I just decided that I am breaking this post up into 3 posts...then it will make it look like I am not such a lame-o blogger with only 2 posts.