As you know our little Mac just turned 1 and I think we had both assumed that we would have more children but as you know - when you have an infant/toddler and are both working full time...you aren't exactly sitting around bored trying to come up with big adventures you can add to your plate.
But for us...this is more than adventure...it is a gift. We have been given the honor of being able to bring this little angel into our family and there is no doubt that she will touch our lives and all of those she comes in contact with.
For me personally, I always knew I wanted to adopt...I don't know why, maybe growing up down the road from an orphanage influenced that decision...but honestly I was jealous of those kids every time I rode by. They had horses, cows, ponds to fish in, hundreds of friends to play with all the time...as far as I was concerned - they were living my dream life. But when you are 7 or 8 yrs old you aren't very sentimental I guess. It didn't cross my mind until much later in life that they probably looked at me and my family the way that I looked at them...dreaming of a life with a family and a home.
You see, I could literally sit here for hours and recall hundreds of great memories with my parents, grandparents, brothers, cousins, aunts and Uncles.
Cooking with my mamma, watching Soul Train on Saturday mornings with my dad (I am sooo not kidding), playing in my MeMe's jewelry and makeup, drinking super sugary coffee out of a little Mother Goose china cup with my Nanny, her teaching me to play Gin Rummy and Solitaire, fishing with my PaPa, learning to drive with my Grandaddy, smelling the roses in my Aunt Edna's garden and later fogging up her bathroom so I could write on the mirror - yeah, she loved that!), playing in Uncle Nathan's little red barn (losing the key to the lock!) Brian isn't one to sit down and "Blog" but believe me - the Newtons have a great big fun family just like me and plenty of great memories to fill up the years.
What I am trying to explain is that I am highly aware that I hit the jackpot when I was born into my family. The fact that I have been surrounded by love at every turn my whole entire life is absolutley priceless. And this isn't just that we have a lucky past...we are blessed every single day. We had a son over a year ago and I swear I have not spent more than $30 on clothes for him because all of our friends and relatives have showered us with gifts and hand-me-downs...do you understand how wonderful that is!!! We are no fools...we are seriously fortunate people and have been our whole lives and we are very thankful for it!
Now that I have a son, the love I feel just thinking about him or just staring at him in his crib is overwhelming...every time!
We have been given so much in this life. The thought of sweet little ones, just like my Mac, that will never have someone stare at them in their bed and just gush love all over them breaks my heart...but mostly - it just pisses me off. We live in the land of plenty, and I think it is just too easy to decide it is all about "US". Or sit back and decide it is just too hard or too overwhelming or too expensive to try and be a part of something besides sitting backand soaking it all in.
I think there is just a point where you have to decide why you were put here on this earth? I have come to the conclusion that a giant light is not going to shine down from the heaven and spell it out.
Before I saw LuciQ's little face and fell in love, I would have struggled with the question "why was I put here?".
But now I realize...I was put here to take action...to make a decision...to make a choice.
Each of us has a unique journey and adoption might not be your particular journey.
We (Brian and I) just realized that we can't just sit around waiting for God to write it across the sky for us. We see needs every day - you just have to know when your heart is moved...and then act on it.
Not try to push it away and get on with the rest of your daily grind.
You can always ignore God's nudging but to do that, you are robbing yourself of a really great fulfilling life - a life with a purpose and a life that is about something other than your own personal wants and needs.
Now don't think I am trying to make you feel all guilty. The conversations you have with God are between you and God and your journey with him is unique to you.
God WILL take care of what he holds precious...don't you worry your pretty little head off about that...
if he calls 1000 people and they all find an excuse "why not", he will keep going until he finds the one that will say yes.
I am just very thankful that he trusted us enough to help him out by taking care of one of his special angels.
We could have very easily come up with 100 reasons WHY this choice didn't work for US right now...(try that exercize and then read the list back to yourself outloud and see if you don't feel like a big piece of greedy crap!)...money, small house, job uncertianty, already have a little one, child care expense (ughh), but we soon realized...it was not about US or our present circumstances.
The fact of the matter is God put something in front of us and said, make a choice please. No thunder and lightening, no flames blazing across the sky. Just a simple conversation of the heart:
GOD: So I hear through the grapevine that you two claim to be on my team and are here to help when I need it.
US:Yeah, sure, as a matter of fact we have a box of old clothes all ready to donate and we can even throw in a turkey for someone in need.
GOD: Yeah well that is "nice", but I am not really in need of "nice" at the moment. You see, you both seem to be doing pretty fine (you are welcome by the way) and I think the journey you have each taken make you just right to help another one of my little lambs. You game? Good - lets go!
US: Uhhhh, well we will have to analyze all the possible pro's and con's - I am feeling an Excel spreadsheet coming on - and see what works for us,..give us some more details and we will get back to you.
GOD: Look, This isn't going to be a long discussion...it was a "yes" or "no" question...and by the way, I am not an idiot, I don't get people involved unless I know they will get the job done...you two are annoying me...do you think I am new at this???
And for the record..what the hell are you worried about? Do you really think I would put this precious child in your hands if she wasn't going to be 100% completely taken care of?? Do you think I am just going to just toss her over to you and then go take a vacation??? Newsflash...This isn't about making you two "feel good"...it is about taking care of what I hold precious. I have done it for you so far, now how about returning the favor?
US: Well Shit!
SO we had a choice - Yes or No....no is easier now, but will hurt us forever. Yes is harder now on the surface, but will be a never ending source of happiness forever.
You can do the math on that one.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that part of the reason my life has followed the path it has, is because I was being prepared to be a mom for Qing. If I hadn't decided to jump in front of a big-ass firework then guess what...I wouldn't be sitting here waiting for LuciQ to come over here and join our family.
If Brian hadn't loved me - burn scars and all - I wouldn't have our family - there would be no Mac...and no LuciQ on the way.
I think I always wanted to adopt because I just began to subconsciously feel that it is just our responsibility. Plain and simple.
How does that line go...to whom much is given much is required.
For me and Brian - we are Christians and God says it is our responsibility...end of story.
It doesn't mean we are fancy special people. Hell, if you have known us for any amount of time you know that isn't the case!
...it is just who we are and the God we serve is very clear about why he put us here. See below...
Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress
and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
James 1:27
On a side note: I have many friends and family ( hopefully you are reading this) that are not Christians or they practice religions other than Christianity, or none at all. You know that Brian and I are in Camp Christian and we keep people in our lives that we love down to the deepest core of our hearts, regardless of what camp you are in! You are in this right along with us and we are thankful for your love and support. Just because this was very much a God decision for us...doesn't mean it is only special or important to those in our Camp. So I want to take a moment to say this: I personally do not think the mission of adoption is solely owned by the Christian religion.
Some Christians might feel that way - I do not. Lets be real here...those 147 million orphans..they want a hug, a kiss, and a mamma and daddy to crawl into bed with in the middle of the night when they have a scary dream, they want a night time story before bed and someone to put a bandaid on their scraped knee and give it a kiss to make it all better. They don't give a rats ass which church you go to or if you even go to church...so I am just saying...there are many motivating factors for making that choice that you feel in your heart and it doesn't have to be a religious motivation....but I would call it a spiritual one...you can label that any way you like.
The tickle in your heart that grows and grows and becomes a desire to get our of your comfort zone, and to give a child a home...a child that someone else determined was a throw-away....it is a heart thing and as far as I know all of my friends have really big hearts and use them to love me and others in their lives all the time! ( I happen to think that I keep good company - just for the record!)
Like I said...I think it is our responsibility to care for our children and the ones that are not as fortunate as our children and were just thrown by the wayside.
One way I want to care for my son is to teach him what life is really about...he is a part of this adoption and I want this experience to be woven into the foundation of his life. I want him to grow up knowing deep in the core of his being what really matters in this life and that the rest is just a crap-ass waste of time. If we can teach him that one concept we will be happy parents!
I don't want to look back and see a life that flew by, but was only filled with us sitting back and soaking up all the good stuff that came our way.
I do not believe that adopting is what everyone is supposed to do. We all know plenty morons that can't take care of their own kids, it is a shame they even reproduced....so we will let them off the hook. But the rest of you....
No - I am being extreme...
I can actually think of two families in my life who are doing some very special mamma and daddy work of a higher calling...( CG & MJY - you two are totally off the hook too...)...But the rest of you....
No, seriously...if it is on your heart to learn more about the children that need a family and you want to just help out somehow...any small or big way...just shoot me a note...but start with that button on my home page that says 147..the blue one with a daisy on it. That is a good place to start!
If you are hard core, click on that button with that adorable little angel that says No Hands But Ours....but don't come whining to me when you get a giant hook right through the heart...actually PLEASE come whining to me!!!
If you want to learn more specific information about our little LuciQ, I have another page with the details that we received when we decided to move forward with her adoption. I have decided to share more information about this process than I would normally be comfortable sharing.
If you are still reading this far you are aware of the fact that I have no problem sharing my thoughts and opinions...but it was not easy for me to decide to share the details of this very personal experience. I just think that there is a great benefit to sharing one more story of adoption.
Almost every adoptive family has a blog and the more families that have their stories out there - the more seeds that are planted. I have also leaned heavily on the other blogging adoptive mamma's out there for emotional support - stress relief - comic relief. It is nice to have hundreds of "been there/done that" mammas waiting to lend a hand. If I can be that for someone else - then it is worth putting the journey out there on public access.
Brian and I have said this to each other many times. This adoption isn't about us...it is about her and what she needs. We want to be there for her and make a difference in her life. She has already made a difference on ours! We want to give her all she needs to be a strong, loving, giving person that has the confidence to just grab onto life and run with it!
Our hope for her is that she and Mac both will carry it forward and make a difference in someone elses life. Our hope is also that the many wonderful people in our lives will learn about this journey and possibly decide that this is a journey that they too will take...not for themselves, or extra "God Points" but for that one little starfish that needs someone to take risk and make a difference to them.
Please do not hesitate to ask us anything - if you know me you already know that - YOU CAN NOT OFFEND ME! It isn't possible!
Especially when it comes to the decision to adopt - I think the more REAL information that is out there - the better. There is a massive invisible army of adoptive families out there and with great advice and experience...real people that have seen it all. I find that it is much better to get adoption information from people that are just like the rest of us - living working, parenting...taking it day by day, sharing their real life experiences.
We truly are the luckiest people in the world and that is because of you...God has blessed us with our own personal army of friends and family and we thank him every day for that.
THANK YOU!!!!!
And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me.
--- Matthew 18:5
--- Matthew 18:5
