Ok, so every time I have a chance to surf the net I end up reading other friend's b;ogs that I am following...because I am a newbie at this whole adoption thing and I get so much great info from my blogger friends out there. Seriously, if it weren't for the Yahoo groups and the family blogs I have no idea how anyone would get through this adventure. So some topics to cover since I made one post many weeks ago and then decided to go AWOL: Care Packages, Finding Ads, and for the finale...our sweetie pie's family name.
Care packages: So, for those unfamiliar, there are 3 different services that are establshed and considered quality and caring that deliver care packages to children in orphanages and foster homes. Of course as soon as we got out Pre-Approval from China I had Ann at Red Thread to China ( http://redthreadchina.com/) sending a package to our sweet baby. I was dying for her to know that it was official - we were coming for her and she would be a part of our family soon. So we sent her a care package and a letter to the Orphanage director and the nanny's and a letter to her. Included in the package was a 20 page family album so she can see who we are and hopefully somehow begin to understand what a forever family is. Our First Care Package:
OK, so I am not quite sure about the "UK" on the Christmas PJ's but apparently they made too many for the US and shipped the rest to China. I do love the santa hat with the pigtails though!
By the way, I want to send out a special "THANK YOU" to the company I work for - PEACH NEW MEDIA. As you all may know...things are tight around the Newton house with the Adoption expenses stacking up and other things headed our way that we weren't expecting.
For Christmas my company gave us all these super cool backpacks...way cooler than anything I ever toted around in college...and it makes this mom look a little cooler when hauling around baby paraphanalia...no one knows there are diapers, wipes and Boudreaux's buttpaste in there!
The really nice part was the $100 bill they snuck into one of the pockets. That $100 paid for Our sweetie's Christmas care package and I am sure she and her classmates enjoyed the candy and fun clothes and toys.
(People - can I just say that God puts you where you are supposed to be, exactly when you are supposed to be there..he did that with me and the Peach...without question and I am thankful.)
Anyway...the deal with care packages...I was reading a post on one of the Yahoo groups last week and someone said that the orphanages where her little one was waiting does not give care packages to the kids until all documents were processed in China and officially official...that is called LID, Locked In Dossier...that means your Dossier has been sent to China and they have actually acknowledged receipt.
A Dossier is the think that he are in the process of (almost finished!) building. I am not kidding one bit, someone could take this Dossier and totally steak our identities. I mean stuff us in a trunk somewhere and walk around being Brian and Tara. Mac would give them hell and they might reconsider their decision but this Dossier is literally our lives on paper, medical, financial, pictorial, births, marriages, pets, China wants it all!
Ok so back to care packages...so when I read that on the Yahoo page it hit me in the face...are my daughter's care packages sitting in a closet somewhere in the orphanage??? I have heard of people getting their children andbeing given the stuff they sent over for care package and it was obviously untouched...which supports my closet theory. I have also heard that the toys and clothes are common use for all the children (which is totally fine by me) and they save the photo albums and letters until the adoption is almost complete.
I was chatting with a friend of mine that has already adopted 2 little angels from China and in the process of getting angel #3 and I know she sends care packages. I expressed my concerns to her and she sent me the article below, written by Amy who works at a foster home in China called Love Without Boundaries...it shed some light on the topic for me and confirmed what I was kind of starting to realize...these are to make the parents feel better..to help us get through this wait and feel like we are doing something to take care of our waiting baby.
I have decided to hold off on the personalized care packages for now and send things like candy and books and toys for all the children or send a cake for them to enjoy. One care package service actually sends the orphanage money to buy a cake and then asks the orphanage to send them a picture of the kids enjoying the cake to confirm that it was purchased, It is really just a round about way for us we waiting parents to get current pictures of our babies...so yes, I will be sending a cake for Chinese New Year!
Amy's letter regarding Care packages:
To send a care package or not? That is a question that many adoptive parents ask themselves as soon as they are matched with a child overseas. As an adoptive mom myself, I remember vividly searching for the perfect stuffed animal to send to my new daughter - a pink bunny that was incredibly soft. I wanted to think of her sleeping with it every night, waiting for the day she would finally have a family. Of course, adoption day finally came and she arrived without the rabbit, and I of course had to wonder if she had ever even gotten it. The honest answer? She had not. Once I began working heavily with her orphanage, I quickly learned that care packages were not given to the children, but for very good reasons that I had not thought about in my own desire to feel a connection to my daughter-to-be. I have realized after talking to dozens of orphanage directors that care packages are usually much more important to the parent than the child, and they are often actually hurtful to all the other children living in an institution who have not been chosen by families.
Singling out one child in a group living situation can be very disruptive, and so many orphanages just put the care package away and don't even bring it out until the bus or van ride to provincial. This is because it can be very upsetting to all the children still waiting for homes (or ineligible for adoption) to see just one child get a package with presents. I think it is very important for us to remember the children who will not ever receive the gift of a family. I also think it is important to remember that not only is it hurtful to the other kids in an orphanage when a child is singled out, but it also can be detrimental to the child being adopted as well. We shouldn't think that every orphaned child is congratulating the one chosen for adoption. I know of many cases where older kids who have either aged out of the system or who weren't given a chance took out their frustrations on children who were picked for adoption. Kids can be quite cruel at times, as we all know - and I understand completely how distressing it can be for the older kids who never got a chance to find a family. A care package from the US can be like rubbing salt in their wounds. While some will react with tears or sadness to know they will never be chosen, others can react with anger towards the kids who are.
I have never had an orphanage director tell me they love care packages. I think they tolerate them because they know it means a lot to adoptive parents. But if a family sends a stuffed animal or a blanket to a child, they need to know the odds are slim that the child will be given it. Aunties worry that nice gifts from overseas will be damaged; many orphanages put babies in multiple cribs so keeping track of one blanket is difficult; urine leaks with cloth diapers are a daily occurrence and so stuffed animals aren't really practical, etc. I also have received several emails from orphanages who got care packages that weren't marked properly for customs and they owed fees. One family sent such a large package that the orphanage owed almost 1000 rmb to pick it up.
Now when people ask me my opinion on sending a package, I always recommend simply sending photos of their family, so that the aunties can get to see where the child they have cared for is going. Then the orphanage staff can choose whether or not to share them with the child. Even if it is just on the van ride to the adoption center - the child will know at least a bit in advance who is coming for them.
I do understand why parents want to send packages, as I have been there myself. But now I know that while I was thinking of my single child - the orphanage has to think of ALL the kids in their care. Parents need to realize that there is a high likelihood that anything sent will just be put in a director's desk or storage cabinet until adoption day, but for very good reasons that we as adoptive parents often don't think about.
Amy Eldridge
Love Without Boundaries Foundation
Love Without Boundaries Foundation
OK, so if there is anyone reading this and would like to help out the Special needs and medically fragile kids that are waiting to be adopted, there are medical foster homes that take the kids from the orphanages and foster them and get them the treatment they need - surgery that they would otherwise never get for things like Spina Bifida, Cleft lip/Palete, heart defects, fluid on the brain, clubbed feet, you name it - these foster homes go theough hell and high water to get these kids the treatment they need...I think I have a button here or you can google New Day Foster Home, Eagle's Wings is another that comes to mind...ayone else reading this, leave a comment for others you know of. To me, those are great places to give, they have formula programs and cleft bottle programs that you can participate in for very little or alot...either way you are changing the outcome of a childs life in a very specific way.
OK - no pressure - just putting it out there!
I just decided that I am breaking this post up into 3 posts...then it will make it look like I am not such a lame-o blogger with only 2 posts.
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