Finding Ad

SO..Topic Number 2: Finding Ads..."huh...what's that, how much is that?  Did you already pay for it?" (to quote my husband)..

"It was a million dollars and the passport photos were $38 and I transferred the money yesterday - cool?"

Yes, the "how much was that" questions get under my skin...but then again he is also working his ass off to try and pay for this adoption so I know - I shouldn't be so bitchy...but when you are in "Mom Mode" you don't see dollar signs...even if you should - I get it!

So, there is a guy, Brian Stuy...some people love him, some hate him...from what I gather on the message boards and yahoo groups.  So far I can't find anything about him that offends me, and I appreciate what he does.  I think mostly the people waiting ( and have been for many years) for a non-special-needs child would like to slap him if given the opportunity.  He is very active in research and writing about China adoption, he has adopted 3 children form China and I believe that I understand his stance to be that there is an established "trafficking  network" set up in China when it comes to Non-Special Needs babies.  That women over there get pregnant for the specific purpose of turning the baby over to an orphanage for a finders fee (about 3 years of a living wage over there).  His research and articles are very controversial and I am not waiting on a NSN child so I am not in the slapping line.

Honestly the NSN program for International adoption is basically closed...yes, they will quote you a waiting time of 5-7 years...which means 10yrs at best or  really...it's not happening.

Anyway Brian Stuy makes a living by getting China adoptive parents the Finding Ad for their child.  See in China when an abandoned child is found, usually in a box, sometimes with a note and some money, the authorities run a finding ad, "in hopes of finding the parents"...but since abandoning your child is illegal in China...I have yet to hear of anyone ever actually coming forward for their misplaced child.  There are many reasons people in China abandon their babies, but that is another long blog post.

So Brian gets the newspapers from China and sends you the picture of your baby when they were found and translates the ad.  

Since some people only have one picture of their child from the initial adoption referral, and it could be at an older age, these baby pictures are like gold...probably the only baby picture they will ever have of their child. It also usually gives the exact location where your baby was found and what they were wearing.

I heard about Brian's service and contacted him as soon as we had Pre-Approval (Oct) and sent him the information he needed to locate our little girl's finding ad.

   

I never heard back from him until the first week of Dec...and honestly I sort of had second thoughts.  As you know, LuciQ has severe burns and we know she was burned and treated when she was found.  Part of me realized that I was not getting the baby picture that many get...I didn't know if I wanted to se it because I know it would be our baby girl in pain and that is hard to see when you have a baby at home and would basically run over a Nun any day of the week to keep him from pain or harm.

I have thought for weeks that the package would be waiting for me at the door and maybe I should just put it away, keep it for LuciQ much later in her life when she wanted information about her history...a whole other topic to tackle later.

I also didn't want Brian (my husband - not Stuy) to get it first and unexpectedly open it.  He has never looked at the pictures from my burn and I know he doesn't want to see LuciQ's either.  We are very different in this area...at least for now.  I am more of a "just rip back the curtain and look at the facts as they are and deal with it" kind of person.  My husband is more of a "why would I want to see someone I love in a state of pain if I don't have to??" He wants to look forward toward the good. My nature is to research every facet of an issue and get all of the facts and then move forward.  To him, some things are in the past, they weren't good but they aren't changeable either so just forget about it and move forward...and honestly I think there are many situations where that is exactly the attitude you have to have to get through this life...which is also why I know he is going to be a great daddy to our sweet little girl.  She will need his "focus forward" attitude as much as we will.

Anyway, Brian Stuy emailed me tonight to say that my package would ship next week but he sent me a scan of her finding ad and the translation.  I am very thankful to have this information because I know many that have zero history on their child and wish they did. I have a New blogger friend, Nicole that recently emailed me about this adoption journey - she has done it about 5 times already and is waiting on the next one.  I love her blog because she made the decision to blog honestly or not at all...and I want to do thesame so everyone understands the wonderful joy of this path and also that it comes with unexpected little heart breaks along the way...but it just makes your love grow.  I plan on keeping this very real...all the way.

So those who are unfamiliar...this is what a finding ad looks like.

She was born on October 2, 2007
On April 2, 2008, she was found at #202 Machang Road, Jianghan District (Gate of the Jianghan District orphanage)
She wore white autumn outfits and pink pants, a red sweater
Above her nose are severe burn scars
She was treated in the Third Hospital, and had a birth note.

That of course is our baby girl in the middle, and yes it makes me cry every time I see it...but I keep looking at it because I love her. Because I know she is hurting physically and she is wondering where her mamma went.  I hold no judgement toward her mother, for all I know her mother saved her life by leaving her in a safe place to be found quickly.  I know that the result was that she will be with us in a handfull of months and it is right where she is supposed to be.  I wish I could have loved her and held her through her baby days but God's timong is perfect...he has shown me that a thousand times in my life...it is something I never have to question.